since I have been on here and posted anything. A lot has happened. A LOT.
I was talking to my therapist today and she said that I should start writing a blog. I kinda laughed to myself because I happen to have a blog, this blog. I didn't tell her that but I thought to myself...why the hell not? Why shouldn't I share some of the crap that I have been going through? I mean, maybe someone else will benefit from it...or not...or maybe they will just get a laugh, who knows, right?? So let's do this...
On December 15, 2019 I lost my husband. He passed away unexpectedly. I will circle back to this another time because honestly, I am not in the right frame of mind to share it now. I can tell you that it has been HARD. Between the loss of Robert, COVID, the election and every emotion possible... 2020 was a real shit year for me. BUT...there was a light. My light. While swimming around in all shit of 2020 I found a light in myself and decided to concentrate on taking care of myself mentally and physically. I lost over a 100lbs last year. WHAT??? I know, I still say that too and I still think that when I look in the mirror but that is for another post. Right now, what I want to talk about is the shit people out there called scammers. LOL
Stop. Listen to what I have to say before you go and start passing judgement on me. I have been lonely. LONELY. Oh, I have friends and family but what I don't have? Is my husband. The guy that used to make me laugh, the guy that used to listen to me and give me a different perspective on things. The guy that would sit there, listen and give me unwanted advice at times because let's face it, guys just want to fix things. Bless his heart, he would try and I would be like..."no, that's not what I want from you. I just want you to sit quietly, listen to what I have to say and then hold me when I am done." I wasn't asking for much, right? LOL
Anywho, a few months back some random guy DM'd me on Instagram. I never respond to those DM's because let's face it, they are always fishing for something or just want to talk dirty or whatever. So, I had a weak moment and I went ahead and responded for shits & giggles. I did it to ENTERTAIN myself...and it did. Oh it did. I was laughing and smiling and telling everyone how this good looking hispanic guy was all over my messages. It was hilarious. He was a civil engineer and his name was Williams. I knew he was a scammer. I was just waiting for him to ask me for whatever he was going to ask me for. Sure enough, a couple weeks into our exchanges he asks if I will give him my cell phone account login so that he can activate his cell phone. I was like "are you kidding me?" His response? "But baby, c'mon, I am so busy and I can't get to the store to do it. I will pay you back." I told him "no." And I was firm about it. I even told him how dare he spoil my fun by pulling that shit. Needless to say, he disappeared from my DM's and I never heard from him again. Oh well.
THEN...I met another guy. He left me a message on one of my Instagram posts and said something sweet. Well, I didn't know who he was so I reached out to him and slipped into his DM. I know, so bold of me, huh?? LOL Well, this guy, he was something else. Said all the right things, super sweet, into fitness, made me laugh & giggle, etc. He took my mind off of my grieving. If you have ever grieved a spouse you know how awful it is. You are constantly reminded of what you no longer have. Whether you walk into the room where he always sat, walk by where his truck used to be parked, lay in the bed that he used to lay next to you in...it is CONSTANT and it is devastating. You are reminded EVERY SECOND of the hole in your heart. It doesn't matter where your relationship was when the person passed or what was going on, you lost your partner. You lost the person you said you would love for the rest of your life and now? Now you no longer have that person. You no longer have your best friend. So for me to have a distraction? It was a welcome one. Well, it was welcome until Christmas time came and I sent him a Christmas card to the address he gave me. The address he said was his. The address that belongs to some lady named Pam Pester who found me on Facebook and messaged me to tell me that the guy I was talking to was a SCAMMER and that she had been talking to him for 3+ years. WHAT. THE. HELL? I know. I KNOW. Needless to say, I had to confront him. Oh yeah, totally. How dare he? How dare he do that to me? KNOWING that I was a widow and lost my husband not even a year ago. He denied everything. What's new, right? They have an answer for everything.
The problem with this? I liked the guy. Now that I look back though, there were red flags everywhere but I CHOSE to ignore them because like I said, he took my mind off of Robert and grieving. I was upset, I am not going to lie and then all the feelings and emotions that I suppressed over Robert came rushing back TEN FOLD. It was awful. You thought I cried before? Shit, that was nothing. It was like I was grieving all over again. So what do my friends do? God love them, they encouraged me to do an online profile for a dating app. I wasn't sure I was ready to date but I was ready to talk to a guy. I mean, if the IG guy hadn't given me that stupid address that wasn't his, I would still be in my happy place. Happily pushing aside my grief. Okay, I know, it's not healthy, but really? You are going to lecture me on something that actually made me smile & giggle for a month? Please. I don't want to hear it.
So I go on these two dating apps and... I HATE IT. Oh my goodness, I have never experienced so much anxiety in my entire life. I felt like a piece of meat. It was ridiculous! I knew I had to get off these sites. I wasn't ready to date. I am NOT ready to date. I know that much now. LOL But get this...I am closing down my profiles and I get messages from three guys...Mike, James & Julian. All nice guys, all chatting me up. I pull down my profile and continue talking with these 3 guys. Hold up, don't judge. IT WAS CHATTING. Nothing else. Sheesh. Anywho, within a couple of days Mike & James were out of the picture but Julian? Ohhhh, he got me. Just like my IG dreamboat he said all the right things, asked all the right questions and get this...he was a WIDOWER too! WHAT? I know. I was like, okay, I'd like to get to know more about this guy. Even if all we do is chat? I am down for this. Well...clearly my lie-dar (radar for lies) is clearly broken and I am completely naive about this whole "getting to know someone" thing because he was a friggin' scammer too! Why in the heck are there scammers on dating apps? Oh wait...it's a cesspool of vulnerable people just wanting to connect with someone. Good golly Miss freakin' Molly. People suck. No, not all of them but the ones I have had interactions with over the last couple of months wanting to chat me up? They all suck. ALL OF THEM. And for the record? I am no longer naive. I am no longer going to tolerate this crap. I am mad. None of them were worth my tears or any of my time. So here is my middle finger...do you see it? Cause it has all of their names written ALL. OVER. IT.
And that my friends is what I have been up for the last 60+ days.
And for the record? AMAZON does not deliver Mr. Right. Nope. Can't even order him. And free shipping for having PRIME? Not available. WTH? I thought we could get EVERYTHING on Amazon??? I guess not...sheesh...
Alright, I am off like a prom dress. Have a great night, it's good to be back.
See yah, Karrie
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